Where To Find The Rare Species Blackus Vanilla (Oreo).

Yesterday, I was sitting at the Prince Street Cafe waiting for a friend. I was checking out the hipster scene when I noticed something. For every group of white people, there is the one black person. That's when it hit me. I forgot to tell my audience where to find an Oreo and how to interact with them as well. OK so here are a few tips.

1. Types of Oreos

With any breed of subculture there is different types of that subculture evolved from generation to generation. For example, the evolution of the hipster. They involved from the hipster of the 50s where white folks took all of the good things about the African-American culture, especially music, and made it their own (Did you think that Elvis Presley came up with dance moves like that? No, Elvis went to the hood seen Tyrone move his legs and all else was history). Oreos move into the suburbs at a young age where they want to make friends.  When we move, we generally hang out with the black kids in the said new school for three months to a year. And then we evolve depending on the group (picture the cafeteria of the school in Mean Girls).

Asian: this generally consists of doing anything that is Asian. Listening to K pop or J pop its rare to see both; watching Korean Soaps, keeping up with Asian culture; hanging out in China Towns, Chinese restaurants and finally watching and reading magma. In school, they hang out with the Asian kids and any black woman in this stage has what my doctor would call "yellow fever." This consists of an oreo woman wanting an Asian man to the point of stalker status. Personally, I think all East Asian men look like women so I think an experiment with women is closeted during this stage.

Goth: In this stage of the whitening process this usually happens in a dark time. We begin with "goth light" where an oreo listens to Linkin Park and Limp Bizkit. We want to start a garage band and write lyrics about cutting our lives into peices because we do think it's the last resort. But unfortunately it's not, and it does get darker. We then listen to Harthrowne Heights because we want to be outside of our window with our radios. This is our emo phase where we write poems and haikus about our lives and how depressing it is.

Skateboard B: This is where we wear medium shirts, skinny jeans, fitted rims, and skate board shoes. We have skateboards and listen to Lupe Fiasco, where we kick push and coast. Because we're from the suburbs, we've lost  touch with our fellow brothahs and sistahs, and hear the common question when we go to the city: "You went/go to a white school." We usually shop at Pac Sun, Hot Topic and Spencers because of the band shirts. Sometimes we go straight edge where we read philosophy, become vegitarians, and give up alcohol and sex. We listen to Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco, Jay-Z and Pharell Williams.

Preppy: This is the final stop for most of us on the whitening train. When at the mall we stop going to the dark because my life is dark Hot Topic and into Abercrombie and Fitch's dark because I got roofied by the purfume they pump through the airvents. Now for anyone there is a level of preppy, like goth. There is preppy light where we shop at Old Navy and Aeropostale. Then we go to Hollister and American Eagle and finally we go to the ultimate Abercrombie and Fitch. I don't know why we follow this sequence of prep but thats what it is.

Hipster/ Blipster: This is a recent phenomona I'm still trying to research. Since it's such a contridiction to be a hipster its hard to find anything on the hipster subculture. I need to spend a day on First Friday just doing research on the black hipster.

2. Where to find us
We like everything that is white. We don't mean it, it's just we've been socialized to white culture that we just find it as a second nature. One thing is any halls of academia preferably any building that house the liberal arts degrees. Depending on the influence of African American culture, we could end up at Howard University, Morehouse College or its sister school Spellman College.

When not in school, a coffee shop is where to find us. Usually you can find one of us surrounded by our white friends talking about politics, philosophy, social issues or human injustices. I say one of us because it rare to see a group of black people at a coffee shop. This of course is unless your in an area like Atlanta or Washington DC where the colleges mention above are. We like a cup of coffee, tea or sometimes a scone or two.

 Also, a spoken word show is another place. Its if poetry and hip hop had  two babies: spoken word and beatnik. With all my might, I want to punch both of them in the face. It's not really poetry at all. Poetry is supposed to be sensual, calm. Spoken Word is guns with words. Very dramatic usually about someone's first period, interracial love or how the government is keeping the black man down. White people, if you want to be friends with an oreo don't take them to a beatnik show. Since we lost touch with our people, we will be scared.

Any other tips, let me know. comment below.