Hes a Nice Guy, Towards Other People: How can you tell if a mutual friend is not that into you.

The mutual friend. Your in the same social circle, you hang out with them every once in a while and you don't know enough about them to make a judgement but you see how they interact with you and your friends and you know your place. Basically everything you do friendly towards that person it's awkward. Requesting to hang out at a later date, Facebook requests, doing favors or asking for their numbers--you get the look of NO. And you can't tell the truth because you have the same mutual friends and you don't want to be labeled as rude, weird or a bitch. Believe me I've been already labeled as rude, weird and a bitch.  So here are some ways to figure out if a mutual friend is not into you:

1. They pick on you when they see you. 

I chose this as my number one sign because this has happened a few times. Every time I've tried to give a mutual friend advice or has made a sarcastic comment about something their response is "Well, your gay." Even if there were no connection between the story that I've told to the mutual friend, the fact that I'm a homosexual is always brought up. I could just be observing the weather and the response to my observation would be "Well, your gay." I've been picked on for years and I have a strong back bone because of it, but what surprised me was that it continues in adulthood. I think that the funny thing about "your gay"  is what happens if I was straight? What would be the response? And there so many other things that you can pick on me about besides whom I choose to sleep with. I don't make fun of you because you prefer vagina.

2. When your talking about something he/she doesn't show interest.

This irritates the hell out of me. Not only for a mutual friend to do but for any person. My friends are not interesting and my friends, friends are not interesting as well (about my friends that's sarcasm). But I make a good point to show interest  in what people are saying because their conversation maybe interesting. 85% of language consists of body language. If you are trying to have a conversation with a mutual friend and he/she is looking around they are not interested. Just stop the story and walk away. I know this is rude, but they were rude first. Another way is just stop the conversation and see how they respond. They'll probably make up an excuse on what they were looking at. Just say interesting and then walk away.  And you should say it in a tone of "your an asshole" too. You don't want to say the truth, because remember you have mutual friends. But you can say things sublimely by the tone of your voice.

3. They give you dirty looks.

Like I said before, 85% of language consists of body language. And people won't say anything because they don't want to hurt your feelings. But what they would do is give someone dirty looks. Ignore it. It just means that they don't have the audasity to come and step to you (Bills, Bills, Bills). Talk to someone else. Walk away.

4. Trust your instinct

This should be self-explainitory. Always trust your gut. Don't talk to any of your friends until your sure it's not you. If any of the interaction between a mutual friend isn't genuine just be polite and walk away. Talk it over with your friends if you know it's not.

If you have a topic you want to share or want to comment on this post or the others, comment below, follow me on twitter @dan19310 or Facebook me by clicking on the badge.

Smear The Queer: Gay Bullying Isn't Right

My earliest memories of being bullied because I was gay was third grade. That's when I found out the word gay really was: happy. I walked onto the playground and told my peers that I was gay. This is because I asked my mother what gay meant that morning. Instead of giving me the definition that is useful in my vocabulary today, she gave me the 1950s definition.

This continued until the sixth grade. One instance that I do remember with great detail was when I was walking back from gym class, rushing to class in the trailors outside of school. An 8th grade kid with the 6th grade "class clown" (not really that funny thats why it's in quotes) opened up my locker. The 8th grade kid had the same locker two years ago and remembered the combination. The class clown yelled out "He has tampons in his locker." If I would have gone back in a time machine I would have said "Well, your mom told me she was pregnant with my baby and didn't need them anymore." Unfortunately, I didn't develop my humor yet so I just let it go. The kids didn't let up and by the end of the day not only did I have tampons in my locker, but forever reason Aunt Flow gave me a surprise visit too. Keep in mind I went to the same gym class, used the same locker room, and used the same bathroom as this kid. But yet I had a vagina and I was on the menses.

My mother knew I was teased and said that I have to deal with it. I would come home and cry about how the kids would tease me. And I would cry and ask my mother if I could go to Penn Manor. She said "I'm not going to pay for that. That is a different district." Next to living with my father and our relationship, my experience with gay bullying it contributed to my humor. My use of sarcasm was a defense mechanism. I remember the kids in 8th grade calling me faggot and gay. I responded, "I prefer fudge packer."  So I want to say thank you to the class of 2007 who went to Wheatland Middle School and the class clown who teased me and said that I had a vagina and that Aunt Flow gave me a visit. She was actually pissed she had to visit me. Two sisters whom I live with and she had to visit me that week (he know who he is).

Unfortunately, this isn't the outcome for teens today. Gay bullying is on the rise. Let me give you some stats from the Mental Health America:

1. a study found that thirty-one percent of gay youth had been threatened or injured at school in the last year alone.
2. Gay and lesbian teens are at high risk because ‘their distress is a direct result of the hatred and prejudice that surround them,’ not because of their inherently gay or lesbian identity orientation.
3. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth are two to three times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual counterparts.
4. Gay teens in U.S. schools are often subjected to such intense bullying that they’re unable to receive an adequate education. They’re often embarrassed or ashamed of being targeted and may not report the abuse.
5. GLBT students are more apt to skip school due to the fear, threats, and property vandalism directed at them.
6. One survey revealed that 22 percent of gay respondents had skipped school in the past month because they felt unsafe there.
7. Twenty-eight percent of gay students will drop out of school. This is more than
   three times the national average for heterosexual students.
8. GLBT youth feel they have nowhere to turn. According to several surveys, four out of five gay and lesbian students say they don’t know one supportive adult at school.

What can we do to help?
In my last post Homophobia is the New Boogieman one of my points were that education starts at home. I don't have children and I would never want to do that to another human being. But what you teach your child is a reflection of your attitudes and your beliefs. If you believe that being gay is a bad thing, at a young age like kindergarden, kids are like a sponge. Looking for signs too. If your child is acting weird or out of the ordinary question them to see whats wrong. Get in touch with the teacher, involved with your child's education. Also, encourage teachers to enforce the zero tolarance policy for gay bullying and for bullying in general. Have a meeting with the other parents and discuss the issue of bullying in schools.

Homophobia: The New Boogieman

 When Osama Bin Ladin was caught I think that it was either ABC News or NBC News that said, "That the Boogieman was caught." They even interviewed teens who were toddlers at the time of September 11th, explaining that Osama Bin Ladin would haunt them in their dreams. The Muslim  or anyone that looks Middle Eastern  has been the victim of hate. September 11th gave rise to islamaphobia and during the 00's decade, that was the Boogieman to America.
Although islamaphobia is still here today, homophobia has been on the rise as well. Appealing policies like Don't Ask Don't Tell  and the fight for gay marriage has made people have this irrational fear that if gay people want to get married or join the military then they will take over. These people don't realize that we pay taxes and are citizens.
What is Homophobia:
According to Websters Dictionary, homophobia is "the irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals." This means that people who are homophobic are scared of homosexuals for no apparent reason. It's like people on the Maury show who have irrational fear cotton balls or ballons. You make them touch a cotton ball or make them see it and they run away and cry behind the stage with the camera man following behind. And I think that is a good idea to get over fear of homosexuality. I think I'm going to reboot Fear Factor. And the contestants are homophobes from the deep south who are right-wing conservative, deeply religious and bible carriers.  Place them in areas like The Castro, San Francisco or DuPont Circle, Washington DC and make them face their fear of homosexuality. The producers would slowly wein them in like a gym or a gay bookstore. And then level it up and take them to a bath house or a gay pride event. And since the most scarest thing next to a muslim is gay marriage and the same sex household. The final level would be taking the contestants to a wedding of a same-sex couple or a household with two parents that are the same sex with a white picket fence in the suburbs and a child.The winner would be the last one standing. I should consider pitching this to Fox, NBC or better yet Bravo (move over Housewives).

Politics: Straight Agenda vs. Gay Agenda
The gay/homosexual agenda has been more talked about in this election than any election that I have paid attention to. Policies like Don't ask Don't Tell and marriage and issues like gay marriage all have a central message: just don't be gay. Don't be gay and you can join the military; don't be gay and you can live an unhappy life with a woman 2 kids, a house, and a white picket fence in the suburbs. But I don't know what happend in this election so far. It that each Republican candidate for both president and governor have taking stands against masturbation, porn, marriage, and divorce.  For example, Christine O'donnell, a Republican favorite, has made several PSAs against masturbation on MTV during 1996.  The Marriage Vow Pledge by the Family Leader has been signed by GOP presidential nominees Michelle Bachman and Rick Santorum (Santorum tehehe). Here is some of the things that the signee must vow to:

• Personal fidelity to my spouse.
• Vigorous opposition to any redefinition of the Institution of Marriage – faithful monogamy between one man and one woman – through statutory-, bureaucratic-, or court-imposed recognition of intimate unions which are bigamous, polygamous, polyandrous, same-sex, etc.
• Humane protection of women and the innocent fruit of conjugal intimacy – our next generation of American children – from human trafficking, sexual slavery, seduction into promiscuity, and all forms of pornography and prostitution, infanticide, abortion and other types of coercion or stolen innocence.
• Recognition that robust childbearing and reproduction is beneficial to U.S. demographic, economic, strategic and actuarial health and security.
• Rejection of Sharia Islam and all other anti-woman, anti-human rights forms of totalitarian control.

• Fierce defense of the First Amendment‟s rights of Religious Liberty and Freedom of Speech22, especially against the intolerance of any who would undermine law-abiding American citizens and institutions of faith and conscience for their adherence to, and defense of, faithful heterosexual monogamy

And the funny about taking on these social issues is that they shouldn't be social issues. If marriage is supposed to be a vow to love and cherish between a man and a wife, how come personal fidelity is an issue? How come pornography, masturbation and gay marriage a bad thing? I have an idea. If you don't like gay marriage, don't marry someone of the same sex. The one argument that gets me against gay marriage is that they say that if it's federal, then they could institute marriages between human and animals,  cousins and cousins, and siblings. Ironically those states that oppose gay marriage marry humans and animals, cousins and cousins, and siblings.

In Culture
As a gay man, the most annoying thing about our generations lexicon is the saying "No homo." If you don't know what that means or your from Mars, two straight men can say something about one another, but before or after they say "no homo." For instance the sentence can say "Dude, no homo but I like your hat." It's in our music. For example, in Lolipop by Lil Wayne says, "No homo, but she said he so sweet I want to like the wrapper." If you don't want it to come off as gay, don't say the complement.

Life is full of contradictions. I used to get mad at the word faggot and gay. I used to even get into fist fights with my siblings over the word. I found out as I'm accepting myself it's just a word. Words change with every generation and with every culture. Fag in England means cigarett. Faggot before it was used as a negative word to describe gay people was a bundle of sticks. Gay in the 1950s met happy. Now gay means stupid.


The School:
I've watched a lot of videos on homophobia via youtube and they all have something in common. That they read the same book and then complain to a religious organization that their child's teacher made them sit down and read this book. The book is called Who's in a Family by Robert Skutch. This book promotes diversity by presenting different families like a latino family, a grandmother and her kids, and a same-sex family. Another book is called King and King. In this book, a prince and a prince gets married. And in this video it really shows you that education starts from home. The purpose of both teachers reading these books was to promote diversity. The parents explained that their child was quoting from the second book and had to sit him down and tell him that, that kind of behavior is unexceptable.

Another issue about school and homophobia, is the prom. I always hear common stories about a student who is gay or lesbian bringing their boyfriend or girlfriend. And they're always banned from the prom. If you don't want to see it, don't go to the prom. Back in my day (sound hella old) if you were gay you would bring your fag hag. Hell, I did bring my fag hag to the prom. And we had a good time.

See: 

Where To Find The Rare Species Blackus Vanilla (Oreo).

Yesterday, I was sitting at the Prince Street Cafe waiting for a friend. I was checking out the hipster scene when I noticed something. For every group of white people, there is the one black person. That's when it hit me. I forgot to tell my audience where to find an Oreo and how to interact with them as well. OK so here are a few tips.

1. Types of Oreos

With any breed of subculture there is different types of that subculture evolved from generation to generation. For example, the evolution of the hipster. They involved from the hipster of the 50s where white folks took all of the good things about the African-American culture, especially music, and made it their own (Did you think that Elvis Presley came up with dance moves like that? No, Elvis went to the hood seen Tyrone move his legs and all else was history). Oreos move into the suburbs at a young age where they want to make friends.  When we move, we generally hang out with the black kids in the said new school for three months to a year. And then we evolve depending on the group (picture the cafeteria of the school in Mean Girls).

Asian: this generally consists of doing anything that is Asian. Listening to K pop or J pop its rare to see both; watching Korean Soaps, keeping up with Asian culture; hanging out in China Towns, Chinese restaurants and finally watching and reading magma. In school, they hang out with the Asian kids and any black woman in this stage has what my doctor would call "yellow fever." This consists of an oreo woman wanting an Asian man to the point of stalker status. Personally, I think all East Asian men look like women so I think an experiment with women is closeted during this stage.

Goth: In this stage of the whitening process this usually happens in a dark time. We begin with "goth light" where an oreo listens to Linkin Park and Limp Bizkit. We want to start a garage band and write lyrics about cutting our lives into peices because we do think it's the last resort. But unfortunately it's not, and it does get darker. We then listen to Harthrowne Heights because we want to be outside of our window with our radios. This is our emo phase where we write poems and haikus about our lives and how depressing it is.

Skateboard B: This is where we wear medium shirts, skinny jeans, fitted rims, and skate board shoes. We have skateboards and listen to Lupe Fiasco, where we kick push and coast. Because we're from the suburbs, we've lost  touch with our fellow brothahs and sistahs, and hear the common question when we go to the city: "You went/go to a white school." We usually shop at Pac Sun, Hot Topic and Spencers because of the band shirts. Sometimes we go straight edge where we read philosophy, become vegitarians, and give up alcohol and sex. We listen to Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco, Jay-Z and Pharell Williams.

Preppy: This is the final stop for most of us on the whitening train. When at the mall we stop going to the dark because my life is dark Hot Topic and into Abercrombie and Fitch's dark because I got roofied by the purfume they pump through the airvents. Now for anyone there is a level of preppy, like goth. There is preppy light where we shop at Old Navy and Aeropostale. Then we go to Hollister and American Eagle and finally we go to the ultimate Abercrombie and Fitch. I don't know why we follow this sequence of prep but thats what it is.

Hipster/ Blipster: This is a recent phenomona I'm still trying to research. Since it's such a contridiction to be a hipster its hard to find anything on the hipster subculture. I need to spend a day on First Friday just doing research on the black hipster.

2. Where to find us
We like everything that is white. We don't mean it, it's just we've been socialized to white culture that we just find it as a second nature. One thing is any halls of academia preferably any building that house the liberal arts degrees. Depending on the influence of African American culture, we could end up at Howard University, Morehouse College or its sister school Spellman College.

When not in school, a coffee shop is where to find us. Usually you can find one of us surrounded by our white friends talking about politics, philosophy, social issues or human injustices. I say one of us because it rare to see a group of black people at a coffee shop. This of course is unless your in an area like Atlanta or Washington DC where the colleges mention above are. We like a cup of coffee, tea or sometimes a scone or two.

 Also, a spoken word show is another place. Its if poetry and hip hop had  two babies: spoken word and beatnik. With all my might, I want to punch both of them in the face. It's not really poetry at all. Poetry is supposed to be sensual, calm. Spoken Word is guns with words. Very dramatic usually about someone's first period, interracial love or how the government is keeping the black man down. White people, if you want to be friends with an oreo don't take them to a beatnik show. Since we lost touch with our people, we will be scared.

Any other tips, let me know. comment below.

Racism Is Here to Stay and Is Never Going Any Where

A year ago I had another blog called "Are You There SoCo It's Me, Dan?" For me, the purpose of the blog was supposed to be about my shrine to Southern Comfort. Really, it was a trial period to see if I liked blogging. The results were that I liked blogging it's just every time I blogged I was drunk on SocoColas, so my liver didn't agree with me.

With this blog I wanted to find an audience and I needed advice on finding a common ground on what to write about. So I sought the advice of Dr.Michael Johanssan, a former professor at Ole Miss and author of one of my favorite blogs "Freshrant: Exquisitely Baked Satire." He said on my Facebook Wall:

"Your blog is funny, ironic (in a non-white way, of course) with your own trademark sarcasm, as I recall. So since you're a self-described oreo, is "How to talk to a black person" far behind? Or is that too white ironic for you? Keep writing as you have come up with some original thoughts that poke fun at how our "post-racial" society (which I strongly agree) is not post-racial at all, noting awkward interactions worthy of ridicule between the races. BTW: On another of your topics, you might enjoy a recent freshrant.com piece I wrote about last week's "The Response" titled, "Thousands Gather To Pray Away Rick Perry." Sadly, that didn't seem to work either."

I found this to be a pretty fair assessment. But I had one problem. What does the term "post-racial" mean? I have noticed that this term has been overly used since Barack Obama has been elected into office because he is the first African American president (it was actually annoying). Which is a good thing because we had made great progress in America when it comes to race. Think about it, fifty years ago it would have been unheard of for an African-American to run for president let alone be elected as president. But I don't think that having one African-American as president ends racism because it's here to stay. Here are a few examples.

1. The Great Recession
In some way the Great Recession has affected everyone from losing a job or a house to clipping coupons. But in minority communities the Great Recession has been affected the most, becoming the burden of the tough economy. Before the recession happened people of the African American and Hispanic communities actually had secured savings nets and investing in the housing market. However, during the Great Recession they fell victim to a few factors:

• High unemployment rates which was 16.2 percent for African-Americans and 11.6 percent for Hispanics.
• Research from the Pew Research Center found that the median gap for household wealth is at it's highest with statistics concluding that compared to the wealth of white households is 20 times that of blacks and 18 times for Latino households.
• Minority communities have been targeted and fell victim to predatory lending with the American dream of buying a home with loans of high interest rates compared to white families with the same qualifications which they had fixed rate, prime loans.
• Finally, minority communities have also fell victim to predatory businesses such as rent-to-own stores and services that receive cash now, pay later.

2. Education System and Criminal Justice System
I took Politics of Race and Ethnicity with Dr. Adam Lawrence and what I remember in the class was that there are more prisons going up than there are schools. For education and the criminal justice system has weighed down the minority communities. Males of the African-American and Latino community are more than 6.5 times and 2.5 times more incarcerated than their white counterparts, respectfully. Additionally, in the education system students in the African-American and Latino communities are twice as more likely to drop out more than their white counterparts.

3. Politics

In my last post I said that instead of watching television I dedicate 28 hours a week watching Internet. The bulk of my Internet watching is youtube videos on politics. I especially love anything on the Tea Party Movement, specifically their racist signs that they display during rallies. For example, "Obama Plan=White Slavery." Additionally, they have a problem the over spending and the debt ceiling, and what they don't realize is that the eight years of Bush was the cause over spending, not Obama. So my question for the Tea Party was where were you when G.W was spending the money on two wars? I personally think that because our president is black they are giving him a hard time.

I remember during the 2008 Presidential Election and Al Jazeera English had a video interviewing supporters of John McCain and Sarah Palin in Ohio. A lot of the people being interviewed said that if Barack Obama won the election, the blacks would take over. Additionally, because he is half Kenyan they thought that the Muslims would take over too.

4. Prejudices, Stereotypes and Socialization

The joke that I always make about myself is that I'm racist against all humanity. And it's true and sometimes it scares me. The other day I made a joke about Jewish people. A friend asked me, "What makes a Jewish person." I responded "Well, if your mother is Jewish...." He interrupted "No, jokingly what characteristics make a Jew." I said very quickly, "Well, if they are cheap or taking something that isn't theirs." I've talked to my friends and a co-worker at work and they all said well that is the stereotype.

As an Oreo I get the common question a lot, especially recently working at the stadium for some reason: You went to a white school, didn't you? There isn't a problem with that because I have accepted it. I think that compared to the others that work at the stadium I act more "white." One lady who was taking a psychology class said that the four years going to Octorara socialized me into what I have become. She even gave herself as an example saying that as a white woman growing up in Newark, New Jersey she grew up around black people. Then when she moved to the white neighborhoods she had black friends because she felt comfortable and socialized herself with the African-American . I agreed with her because when I moved out of the rural area and back into the city, I felt more comfortable with white people. I remember being in AIM for Success at Millersville University a five week camp for...well I don't know what the purpose of me going there was (really). But there were a lot of students from Philadelphia and to make a long story short I was scared. And it was because I spent four years being surrounded by white people that I forgot how to communicate with my fellow brothahs and Sistahs.

I think that the term "post-racial" America is complete bull shit. We see it everyday, from picturing a person on welfare to not driving your car next to the side, in front of, or in the rear of an Asain man or woman (it really does scare me how I come up with this stuff). We have to recognize that there are stereotypes and prejudices in different cultures. So from this day foward I want to say: RACISM IS HERE TO STAY AND IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

The Double Standard: Why Do We Have Them?

According to a California State University-Northridge study found that average American spends 28 hours a week watching television. I don't watch TV because I don't have cable so I resort to 28 hours a week watching Internet, mostly Youtube videos. Today what intrigued me was an  issue on double standards and why do we have them. So I want your opinion on some of them out of curiosity.

1.The Great Philosophical Debate: Player vs. Slut

Here is the scenario: A freshman comes to college, sleeps with 10 people. Depending on the gender people view it differently. Depending on the gender how would you view that person?

2. Your 20s is For Experimenting

Here is the scenario: Your getting to know someone that you are dating and you talk about the people that you sleep with. They reveal that they experimented in college. Once again, how would you view or react to that person based on the gender?

3. It's Just Harmless Flirting

Here is the scenario: Your at a bar with your better half, and he/she begins to flirt? Is it OK for either men or women to flirt if they are in a relationship?

4. Balancing The Office and Home

Here is the Scenario: A co-worker is getting ready to have a baby and is in the "nesting" phase of the process. He/she begin to figure out a way to balance the office and home life. How would you view that person depending on the gender?

The White List: Five Tips to Do When Interacting With White People

In high school, my father always told me in this point of your education high school is supposed to prepare you for the "real world." We'll he should get a refund check for his property taxes because I didn't learn a damn thing in high school. I want to thank the counseling department at Octorara High School for putting me in classes that was supposed to prepare me for college. Hence, I have dropped out twice.

But what I did learn going to those classes is how to be a successful oreo. I think that the purpose of being in the "college prep" classes was to observe white people and how they interact with my cousin and I: the only two black people in all my classes junior and senior year. So I want to give you five successful tips of how to interact with white people. 

1. The Use of Proper English

When talking with other minorities, unless from the suburbs, you would talk slang or what the Oakland School District called "Ebonics" back in the 90s. I cannot stress this point enough but, whatever you do DO NOT USE SLANG when conversing with white people. This conversation would have a couple outcomes. First, an awkward stare or a look of "I'm scared, here's my purse"(or wallet); secondly, the use of the word "ghetto", for example "Wow, you talk 'ghetto'"; finally, and the worst outcome, an open invitation to use slang. This is the worst because usually when words that are not in a Webster's Dictionary come out of their mouths they sound like a contemporary slave (picture Roots: the Next Generation).

2. The Use of the "N" Word

White people hate to be called racist. This is because they have a history of showing their "superiority" to other minorities. With historical moments like slavery and the Civil Rights Movement, white people feel uncomfortable with the word nigger or it's other variation, nigga. Thats why a lot of books that have the word in it are being revised. When using it in a sentence they say "N word." Sometimes, when your an acquantence, not a friend, of a white person they would say "What up 'Nword'. I didn't call you the actual word; I called you 'Nword'." Just say hello, hive five and walk away. White people love high fives.

Then you have the white people who use the "Nword" with little disregard that you are black. This is because they have a "black friend" or one of their relatives is black. If your in that position, give them permission to use the "Nword." Think of it as the black card you give away. But what you must do is set some boundaries, because they get carried away (see the ghetto white person). I have a lot of white friends, and I give permission for my friends to say nigga because I feel comfortable. However, the rules are if we were in areas outside of Downtown Lancaster or the F&M area; Washington DC or an NAACP meeting I strongly advise NOT using it.

3. Any Conversation Invovling Politics

When it comes to politics there are two types of white people: liberals and conservatives. A liberal a belief that government has to take a strong stance on social issues. Ususally, they are prochoice, enviornmentalist, drive a Ford Prius and listen to NPR or watch MSNBC. Conservatives are the opposite. On the otherhand, they believe in personal responsibility, strong American values, a free market, and listen to Rush Limbaugh or Fox News. 

When there is a discussion on politics, most people find it boring. With that being said if you don't know anything about a particular subject when you want to join in just say, "Thats interesting" or nod your head. This shows that you're engaged in the conversation without being in the conversation.

4. Offensive Comments or Questions

White people say the darnest things. They don't mean it though they are just so superior that they don't realize that they offend people. For instance when I was in high school I had a surprise look on my face when a white girl asked a black guy "AIDS are a big problem in Africa. (black guys name), do you have AIDS?" Sometimes when they are accused of being racsit a response would follow "I'm not racist. I let (insert a number less than 5) (insert minority race) people in my house." They don't realize that their justfication for not being racist is racist.

Even a complement can be construde as a racsit statement. For instance, I was in a class that I wasn't supposed to be in during high school because I was a transfer student. My teacher responded after reading a paper of mine,  "You know compared to the other African American students in class, you can actually write a convincing paper." This continued on during college. Whenever I would make an interesting point to a professor, sometimes I would get "Do you know you are a threat to the white majority?"  In this situation, if you have time you should ask them why is that so? They will respond that you know how to speak well or eloquently. If you don't, just say thank you and say goodbye. 

5. Music, Music or Television

White people like everything bland, especially their movies, music or television. For movies I cannot stress the fact that they love anything that is ironic. These movies include "Men who Stare at Goats", "Burn After Reading", or "Being John Malkovich."When it comes to movies they love anything with Will Ferrell and John C. Riely. This is because they love Saturday Night Live, especially the old days when he was on it. I don't find him funny and on Facebook I made the mistake of putting my status as "Will Ferrell, I don't find you funny." 100 defriends in about two minutes.

 If they are younger, add any Diablo Cody film to this list. Diablo Cody has taken our usage of every pop culture lexicon and thrown it back in our faces. Shes like Andy Warhol, but for movie scripts and television shows.  Movies like Juno and Jennifer's Body is not only feminist, but have created words like "honest blog," "Chesters" and my favorite "predator." Oh and be prepared to have them watch it twenty billion times to quote lines or memorize anything that is funny. This consists of hosting parties or having showings during holidays and creating scripts of things that you can yell back to the screen (Rocky Horror Picture Show). Whatever you do DO NOT take them to a showing of a movie like You Got Served. This encourages them to dance. Results not pretty.

Since shows like Seinfeld and Fraser  ended four score and seven years ago, white people found another niche in faux documentary shows. This includes shows like The Office and it's spinoff-nonspinoff Parks and Recreation, Curb Your Enthusiasm aka "Curb" and to a lesser extent Modern Family. This is because they have plots that white people like based on bland things.  This includes:

• Ironic humor  
• A barbershop quartet
• the cast dancing awkwardly and devoting a whole episode to it
• a few minority characters from India because they bring a "colorful" persona to the show
• The usage of "Thats what she said."
• And one gay guy (my personal favorite because I've been in situations by anyone in real life) who gets awkward comments like "I can't go to jail. But you can. You will like Jail." or have a straight guy kiss the gay guy to promote diversity. 

Finally, when it comes to music think independent. Things that no one listens too. For instance rap music. Whatever you DO NOT play any mainstream music unless it is Little Wayne. This I have no reasonable logic because he sucks and I don't waste my time figuring out why. But people like Common or Mos Def would be ideal. This is because they talk about deep stuff and basically poetry in musical form. Also, folk music works depending on the person, usually hipster. A group like Mumford and Sons and the Fleet Foxes or Arcade Fire would put you in the "Cultured Minority" of the what I like to call "File of Judgement."

However, if you don't have time to listen to independent music on Pandora,  the top hits from the 60s 70s and 80s usually work. Anything that is old or "vintage", they love. Some of these groups include Duran Duran, The Beegees, The Doors, anyone who died in the 27 Club, Journey and Genisis. The latter two words: Phil Collins. But you cannot go wrong with The Beattles, and their favorite album Abbey Road. DO NOT say that the Beattles are unoriginal. This will result in a defriend on Facebook or in the real world.

I hope these tips will help you.

A Word to Republicans: You Cannot Pray Away the Gay or The Recession

It's presidential election season again and what the Grand Ol' Party is focused on this year is appealing to what I like to call "the Bible thunpers." The ultra conservative or in other words "I don't know nothing about politics (or the Bible), but I know that homosexuals shouldn't get married and blacks shouldn't be in the White House. But I'm not racist."

The news has been focusing on the "prayer and politics" strategy when it comes to reporting on the progress of the Republican Party in the 2012 Presidential Election. Recently, Texas Governor Rick Perry hosted "The Response" which called for a religious gathering for both Christians and political leaders.  This gathering is in response to the recent debt ceiling stalemate, hence they were trying to "pray away the malaise." Now before I go on I just want to say that I don't want to offend anyone. Religion is a beautiful thing and if you want to pray to get through something, be you. But "prayer and politics" doesn't work. We had eight years of "George Bush and the Idiot Disciples" Administration and look where we are at: two wars and a debt crisis. The hell with democracy, we have become America's number 2 on our fear list: theocracy. Our political leaders who we voted in office are not making decisions based on whats best for the people. It seems as though we are making decisions through a divine being. People like Michelle Bachman who believes that God talkes to her, directly!

Speaking of Michelle Bachman there have been recent reports that her and her husband, Dr Marcus Bachman, have a "Christian counseling firm" also known as a gay conversion clinic in reality land. As one of the opponents of medicare they receive a lot of money from it because they accept it as a form of payment. One of their goals at the firm is to convert gay men into heterosexuals through prayer, Bible reading and counseling. Now at this clinic none of the techniques were explained in the video because of patient confidentiality. However I found a video on some of the techniques that ex-gay Richard Cohen author of "Coming out Straight" co-authored with Dr Laura, no last name because next to Oprah, she think she can talk to God. Now if you didn't watch the video one of his techniques is hitting a pillow with a tennis racket yelling "Mom, why did you do that to me?" I don't know why that is a technique, but I'm guessing it's because one of the theories behind homosexuality is that a boy has a strong bond with his mother and a less of a bond with thier father. With the latter bond, he has a technique that is basically cuddling with a man. Which, I don't get many men to do that for me so I'm considering doing conversion therepy just for the cuddling. Now according to the report from the University of California-Davis "Facts About Changing Sex" found that these techniques do more harm than good. It has been linked to causing more confusion for the patient which could lead to depression and suicide. So, I just want to lay this to rest once and for all: YOU CANNOT PRAY AWAY THE GAY.